Flying and Dying

it's like each of you has one-sided wing. one left, and one right.

before you met each other, you two walked faintly on the ground, couldn't stable enough to fly.

then you met them.
learned to walk side-to-side and  fly together. wandering to anywhere you two could go. were so happy that the other came along to complete each of you. and you thought it could last to an end.

and there the day comes.
the day your each feels tired. wanted to fly away by their own. chasing something they wanted to, they said. and guess taking you was just another burden for them.

you just didn't want them feel that they were being forced to stay. while they didn't want to. in fact you still need them so. but you just gave away your another sided wing. your only one. so that they could be free and go. because you were just too fool to care. and had having such a big heart for them. even they were not anymore. so you let go. even you died after.

A.S
22.55 PM
August, 30th 2017

You.

There are still so many places that i wanted to go with
There are still so many food that i wanted to taste with
There are still so many stories that i wanted to tell to
There are still so many things that i wanted you to make an opinion of
There are still so many events that i wanted to report it to
There are still so many happy moments that i wanted to share it with

There are still, so many things, which will be greater and better, of, to, with,

you, by.

Ours

im glad that i was with you

you make me feel whole
you make me alive
you make me feel things i never did before
you make me who i am when im with you

you're the nicest person who ever be with me besides my family and friends

you're just like a brother, teach me things, tell me those good and bad, worry me, protect me
you're just like a bestfriend, being there when i need you most, accompany me, talk about deep thoughts of ours, tell jokes each other, laughing of happiness
you're just like a lover, you love. i feel that so much, i spoiled.

im so glad and still feel happy even after all the things that been going now. even after you walked away. i always remembering you. remembering you makes me happy. even it's ache sometimes.
im so blessed even though our togetherness only for a moment. a short, happy moment of my life. you were there. couldn't thankful enough for that.

thankyou for taking care of me well, and for your heart who ever loved me once back then.

I've found what i was looking for, and now i lost it. even the words i love you couldn't make you stay and turn back again.

i release.

posting.

he was my whole world.

and still.

i do accept this. but it's still too hard for me. tough one.
even in my busy days or crowded place he's still showing up in my mind. he always there.

the loneliest time is when in the night before asleep and early in the morning after i wake up. my thoughts would be filled with those 'what if' and the memories of ours. even in the middle of my sleep it's so hurting my chest and i got awake with tears.

i never command the tears to fell, but they just did.

i still,

it's hard for me.
not for him. not even a little. 

he was, and is, my first love. even i had it in the past, but i never as truly as this. even i just seems just always fooling around when i was with him, i do true put my heart on him. i trusted him. i had faith in him.

i know, besides his feeling already gone, he left me for good thing as he said.

but he left me with no good.

and leaving those scars which i couldn't heal.

gonna be fine.

hmm😊

it's okay, ya.

you'll meet someone who understands you. understand your feeling truly. who'll has the same sense of humor as you. gets your jokes. someone who'll not aside you of their own obsession. someone who'll 'value' you and your efforts even at their hardest time to show it.

someone who says that he loves you, and act as they do. someone who won't lied to you. someone even when feeling disappointed and tired of you he believes that loyalty is the prime thing and defeat his own lust because he really loves you.

I'm not perfect either

but three things.
honesty,
loyalty,
trustworthy.

-

so today
i barely move my finger to open it
51 chats
that's the most so far
the most for not so lovely chat
though i know what was all about

i just don't know
why it came into like this
seeing those photo and chat of us
couldn't even hold the tears
why it came into like this
if it was because of me
what could i say anymore ?
sorry ?
which has been said hundreds?
which you just always brag it when things got rough ?
wish i could just turn back time
to the good old days
i'd fix what went wrong

but wish it's not a prayer isn't it
it just a wondering
of something
that couldn't happen

and still
after all this battle
i don't know
who's winning
who's losing
all i know

i kept coming back to you.