:(

Like somehow you just dont belong:(((( what a dummy gummy gloomy day!!! Double attack of regretness, with being unacceptable topping on the edge;((( desperately deeply terribly s.a.d.

Failed over and over again as usual.  I may not care, but deep inside it just hurting me so bad. It's bothering me so much that im not good enough, less better than them, that i could have been do it better. It's so hard to get out of this regretness feeling. Haunted me on everything i do. Especially when it comes to him, he got in while im not. Pathetic, moron, loser, that's what i hear on my mind.
And feeling like youre not belong anywhere........making me sick. And hurts.

Don't say that everything is alright cause no it's not. Don't say that im gonna be fine cause i wont be.

Sunday

So today is sunday, just like the other sunday im completely all alone in this house since my brother left to college, parents busy with their things also.
It's raining and im sitting here in the loteng, writing this blog things rather than reading history book that is right on my leg now.
Got my first big exam on 11th grade tomorrow, but just sitting here wolesly is so me(i bet tomorrow the papers just gonna shocked me).
Hmm i just watched We Bought a Zoo few moments ago, as usual Matt Damon my fav, made every movies he played worth to watch. Padahal the movie had been on my pc for like a year, but it's untouchable somehow, i rather watch on tv then pc or laptop(which my brother had taken) so this is kind of a new semester of life, being in home without brother just that much different. Lately my mind started my childhood memories when i feel alone in this house, and also wondering how's the future will be, what would happen to this house, which i always called 'home'.
And.....
Well, this is not a heavy rain and the sky being grey, which i love somehow. You can hear the melody of the pouring rain, hear the silence of your neighborhood, feel the wind that blows into your hair, being able have a quiet moment on your life, a bit relaxing on my category i guess.
Btw this morning he replied my chat, shortly. Haha, and i knew that was the moment where i have to stay back on the line, cause stepping out just a suicide. Know where to stop, when to stop. "They say time heals everything" i hope it heals your feeling though, and they said "Everything happens for a reason, and people changes like season" so let it change your feeling like winter turn into spring. Time would help, perhaps.

Argghhh I should read this book btw for a better score. haha thats funny, 'for a better score'. Im not really interested on this math,physic,chemistry things honestly and maybe so do the other teenagers out there, but we just have to, we have to.
But no time to complain now, gotta do, and gotta go, ciao.