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Warning! Bilingual Content!!!

Hello there.
It's the fourth month of the year now and im still haven't counseling my proposal because im intended to do it when i fully finished the all 3bab. Seems took so long eh?
Been few days since i touched my laptop because the last time i did, I really got lost. And I'm still haven't figured how to get out of it.

I'm at my home in bjm now thinking kalo di bjb sama aja ga ngerjain juga malahan banyakan nonton film gegara ada waifi, makan ngirit, idup di kamar doang, ke kampus bikin pala peneng. Kalo di rumah sini kaya lebih ada kehidupan aja gitu.

As far I realize, despite the pressure that I got for graduating sooner from many many sources, I'm just being happy with my life now. Helping my mom's work (even not really) at home, nemenin ke pasar, kondangan or elsewhere, making something on the kitchen, seeing my dad, reading books calmy with a cup of tea, playing my (still) sumbang guitar, enjoying the view from my room, interacting with my dearest and demanding cats, and of course eating much food for not confusing how much do i need to spend for the day. haha.

I'm worried, but I'm not stressed out. I am enjoying my life and being grateful for having it now.

paper

ya Allah im at the point where i don't understand any of this, nor how this should be done...

show me your way so i can finish my paper, i feel like being left behind while my friends know what they're doing and proceeding:').

hope i can handle things well help me ya Allah:'))

dream

selamat pagi minggu yang cerah ~


still in the bed after i woke up, feeling paralysed thinking and wondering about last night dream bcs it's been so long i didn't really got that 'kind of dream'.
he was in it.
h.

- dream -

just like last year, i went to malang by myself again. according to my dream, to catched up h that was apparently there. h was with my friend, and when accidentally met in a mall i sok sok kaget ketemu temen i that it was such a coincidence but not talking to h and got that third-person-camera thing that we was intensely staring at me. hhahahah
next scene
i went upstairs of the mall and finding myself volunteering for panti jompo kind of thing and surprisingly and luckily my dream self, h was taking a shift on the front desk there. so we had much time of talking, joking around, laughing together as we already 'clicked' to each other and there was a time i pointed something on the paper he suddenly put his hand on mine like signaling that he had the same feeling towards and i was just being a rock there pretend that there was nothing wrong happen but inside i was shaking, so hard that my dunya self could feel it i opened my eyes a lil bit and directly went to sleep again didn't wanna miss a thing.
you're so cruel dream.


-back to reality-


yes i never met him before, was being asked to go watch a movie but i didn't want to go bcs at that time (and still tho) i don't feel like meeting any other new guys im just tired. but after it cancelled, out of nowhere i wanted to meet him so bad. my bad.
"aren't you scared to meet him?"
no, found out that he was my brother's friend.
i feel like i knew him already in fact no at all. that's why i wanted to get to know more. but can't.
he just seems not interested. so after few chat back then nothing really happen.
im not saying that im too easy with new guy, there been few before him but they were all just terasa hambar, like so-so but we kinda get different situation here.
i know i know he's not into me, this is just a one sided thing.
but aren't we all fall for the person we can't have ?
it's been awhile after that feeling and now it's comeback thanks to dream. the fact that this is just a stupid feeling i hope that it'll disappear soon.





p.s
i truly do wanted to get along with you

sorry

jangan angkuh
jangan tinggi hati
jangan selalu mudah kesal terhadap sesuatu yg kurang disenangi
jangan menyepelekan sesuatu
jangan memarahi
jangan mudah emosi
apalagi kepada abah


tahu kah mama dan abah selalu mengalah dan merendah
hanya supaya km tidak mood swing ?


belajar memaklumi
belajar memahami
belajar merasakan
belajar sabar
belajar mendengarkan
belajar menikmati hal kecil


rajin beribadah



meskipun saya juga
tapi mari kita jangan dan belajar



untuk sulung,
yang tidak mungkin saya utarakan
karena apa lah saya ini
hanya bungsu bodoh yang lebih rendah



dari saya,
yang kadang teriris hatinya

The doctor

I always heard his name mentioned everytime my father's friend from the same company came to visit to our house. It's because this doctor is a family doctor for my father's used-to-company so basically everybody who went sick usually come to him.

The clinic is new, just about 1-2 year already and so does him (new for us). Before, we were visiting another clinic with the same family doctor too for years.

But he(the doctor) brings something new. He's young and full of positive energy that sparks to people around him included the patients. He talks friendly. He would like to know your story. His jokes on point. He isn't in a rush. He's patient. He's understanding. He's kind. He's helpful. He brings out fresh air to patients. Even he made my father, who rarely go to the doctor and doesn't like to, come to visit him regularly back then.

Once, my mother got to see him asking for coming to our house to checked on my father because father couldn't make it to the clinic. Not so long after, he came by motorcycle with the satpam. I was amazed.

He's the doctor that everybody looking for. He's the doctor that everybody talking and praise about. He's the doctor that everybody wished for. He has become my family savior and my role model😂.

He's dr.Iqbal.

holyday around banjar only

a not so smooth yet my first video
taken and edited on my redmi note 2
made me delete some applications and other files
insufficient storage is my life
took me 2hours with many takang and hp ke-reset sendiri
almost faint thought i would've lost the 85% work that already done
thank god the app doing the autosave project
uploaded it to instagram with 3sections
compressed it for sharing to the group line bcs it's holy 100mb i didn't except it
got pretty much good impressions
pretty satisfying result
even not so well done yet
my first baby,
and i feel heppie.






in frame : my beloved junior-high school mates
song : Adhitia Sofyan - Place I'll Never Be
place : river along Banjarmasin, siring, soulmate beach, on the way back home from Pelaihari
app : filmora, vedit, video compressor

up to need

also, adding some lists for 2019

[] new phone. why u even bought redminote2 with the smallest internal storage ya-_- ok that was 3years ago let's involved. target: redminote7, that 6gb ram/128gb rom would be enough.
[] new guitar. dude, this old one sounds kek kumbang.
[] driving skill. you need to.
[] understand and being able to speak chinese.
[] WISUDA KEK ASTAGA.

lulz

reading posts from 2017....

fuc it 2017 you did well already ya!!!!
gini ya ya, thank god you weren't in that anymore. you seem desperate there hhahah
"everything will be better" is just exactly, it's getting better. you're so much "you" now. and happier.

feel bad seeing what you've been through in that year, it must be tough:(  but also thankyou for that era, you become who you are now.

ngebaca post2nya tuh kek, ih apaan sih nulis2 kek gini-_- wkwkwkwk.
but it's ok tho. i write to marking moments. so when i look back ..........

complete the sentence

waking up

happy saturday morning.
just woke up from exhaustion.
and i was dreaming my father called me out of nowhere and i saw him standing with his own feet:') we were amazingly surprised and happy in that dream.
btw i haven't seen them for almost 3weeks for focusing on my skripsi i hope it's not a selfish thing.

badai pasti

it's like, perasaan ingin memiliki tapi disadarkan bahwa tak bisa dimiliki..

semoga sekilas 'perasaan' ini lekas berlalu.

nasip

bukan sapa sapa tapi turut bersedih citaaa :'))

just seen picture of him di nikahan orang poto berempat sama mempelainya iya pasang2 pasangan gt:'))) yeehh aku kek denger suara piring pecah gt lo hhahah.

yah kalo sama temen kantor lain kan pasti rame2 gt kan kalo berdua aja ya biasanya janji2an jemput2an gt trus pasti sering chatan jg modus2an lah sama2 nak perantauan jauh di negri org gt kan timbul rasa2 ah biasaa laah  nah trs  cewenya adem manis lagi yaudah si gitu aja hhmmm ko idup aing gini gini terus yhaa:')

New Year New What????

Though it may be a little too late, let me share few things about 2018.

Last new year was started with bunch of happiness. A new bloom and butterflies.
But after few months just like any other beautiful story, it ended. Reason? it was both our decision. Or one of us probably. He wanted to go that way sooner, me not yet. So he left, or i made him left i don't know you tell me. So yea there you go.
But we're still being good friends, still talk about few things also. That's what I think we are now.

So yea i taught myself to handle the heartache that everyone gave. Even sometimes i just let it be. It's not really something you can handle or resist to so just let it be. You may get more broken if you tried to deny the program. Just like cells, you too heal yourself. Or somebody would help you to. Just don't rush things it takes time.

On jan-feb 2018 I got my second single trip alone to malang (first one when i went to jakarta for AIM selection tests) not so alone memang even i got accompanied by few friends there but i went there by myself don't argue me. 😂😂
Then April comes then Bali comes. Both were amazing and happened so suddenly. I mean, they both are unplanned trip. Dadakan semua. Dor doran. it was unexpected and it was holy good.
Thankyou for brother who made it all happened. Thankyou for mother and father who always let me go wherever i liked to and being supportive and trusting in me.

After much excitement from those trips, KKN awaits in July-August. Kuliah kerja nyata ofcourse, i am no one to happening korupsi kolusi nepotisme thing. A whole month in Simpur, south hulu sungai. Were doing some social and scientific program, having togetherness with group of friends. All the emotions you can mention were in there. You could never really know what KKN is until you really put in there. That's something you needed to learn from.

Not long after I came home from KKN, dad got worst. We went to hospital and knowing that he had that 4th stage lung cancer. After many in-out from hospital he finally can be treated at home.

I learned a lot from my parents, especially my mom. I finally see the true meaning of "through the good and the worst" in a relationship. I may not see how big love in the air that they have, how lovely they act to each other, what's make them want to get married to each other in the first place, but now it melted me. Mom really taking care of dad in his worst situation that i cannot imagine being in her position as it is now, without complaining. She do it fast, strong, and tough.

2018 is how family really means for me. Being there for each other. Family over your own business. Your way back home. It's something you're looking for from a long journey out there. It's a whole in your heart when each is gone. It's something you hoping for always being there in your side. It's a moment you send your endless prayer to.

Happy new year and welcome 2019.